My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
