I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
