It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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