you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
