I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
