weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
