your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
