I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
