Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
