don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
