does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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