In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize