I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's blow job season.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
