I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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