Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Randomize
