let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Randomize
