I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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