she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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