I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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