I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
