Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
