I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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