i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
