so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize