if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
