She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
