so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
