I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
