Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
