Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
