what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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