Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
