you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Randomize
