There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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