I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
