I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
