I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
