Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
