She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
