Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
