Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Randomize
