The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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