Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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