I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
