I like to think it a success when the cops are called
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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