the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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