They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
