This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
