I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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