my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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