It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
