Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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