You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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