I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
