yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
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