She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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