There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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