too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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