why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
