i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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