there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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