i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize