haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
