Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
