ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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