guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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