Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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