dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We were destined to go to rehab together
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
