Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
