fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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