You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
