I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
