sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
