Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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