so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I came so hard my ears popped.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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