He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
