He uses pillows to masturbate.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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