I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
